Self Harm – Making Sense of the Pain Beneath the Surface

More Than a Behaviour

Self harm is often misunderstood. It’s not simply about attention, rebellion, or control. More often, it’s a way to cope with what feels unmanageable inside—a way to externalise emotional pain, to feel something when everything else feels numb, or to punish parts of the self that carry shame or grief.

If you’re hurting yourself—or have in the past—know this: your pain makes sense. It doesn’t make you broken, bad, or beyond help. It means you’ve found a way to survive. And now, maybe, you’re ready to find another way.

We Start With Safety, Not Shame

In our work together, the first step is creating a space where nothing has to be hidden. You don’t need to downplay what you’ve done or prove how bad it’s been. Whether you’re in the midst of it or looking back, we make space for the full truth of your experience—without judgment.

We don’t focus on eliminating self harm through behaviour contracts or rigid goals. Instead, we explore why it’s there. What it offers. What it protects. What it expresses when words won’t come.

The Emotions That Live Beneath

Self harm often arises in the wake of powerful emotions: shame, sadness, rage, loneliness, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed and alone. It can also stem from earlier experiences where those emotions weren’t welcomed, mirrored, or safely held.

In therapy, we make room for those feelings—not to talk you out of them, but to understand how long they’ve lived in you. And in that understanding, we begin to open other pathways for expression, release, and relief.

A Nervous System Trying to Regulate

Sometimes self-harm offers a kind of temporary regulation. It may bring calm, clarity, or a sense of control in a world that otherwise feels chaotic. Rather than taking that away, we gently build new ways to find that same steadiness—through relationship, breath, movement, or self-awareness.

Our work may include exploring the body’s signals, recognising the early stirrings of overwhelm, and developing a vocabulary for emotional experience that doesn’t require injury to be heard.

No Quick Fixes—But Real Repair

This is not about overnight change. You may relapse. You may question whether healing is possible. That’s all part of the process. I’m not here to monitor you—I’m here to walk beside you.

In time, we’ll explore new forms of self-expression. New sources of comfort. And new ways to relate to the parts of you that feel chaotic, needy, or ashamed. These parts don’t need punishment. They need to be understood and held.

You Are Not Alone

If you’ve carried this pain quietly for a long time, you may wonder if anyone could really understand. I believe they can—and I believe healing becomes more possible when you no longer have to carry it alone.

You don’t need to have stopped harming yourself to begin this work. You only need the faintest sense that another way might exist—and a willingness to explore that, together.

If that’s where you are, I’m here to meet you there.